Monday, October 24, 2011

Thank you!!!


Andrew and I would like to express our extreme gratitude to all of our racers, spectators, volunteers, vendors and sponsors for making the race so very successful. It was an awesome event and only 364 days until we'll do it all over again.

We're going to continue to post photo galleries but here's a few that have come in so far:




http://www.lovelylindsay.com/race_gallery/race_slideshow.html


Sunday, October 16, 2011

Dangerous Curves or A Cyclocross Word of the Day


Booble (n)

The act of a male rider botching a sharp turn, distracted by an attractive female standing at the apex.

SpaCx has witnessed this phenomena over the past few weeks, but will not release any names.
This time.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Alternative Course of Action?

People stop me on the street all the time, and give me feedback and unsolicited advice on the 'best' cyclocross course.
* You should have more turns
* You should have less turns
* You should have rails to grind for time bonuses.
* You should have a tiger pit with punji stakes hidden somewhere on the course.
* You should stop playing with your bike and make something out of your life. (oops, childhood memory)

As this Ann Landersian barrage comes my way, I'm thinking, don't these people know that I've been working this out in my head since October 25th of last year? Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out...But they just keep buggin' me. So then, what lies ahead? Curious what geometric impossibilities we have conjured up? Andrew and I sum it up in three words:

Longer, Faster, Stronger
First Element, Like sands through the hourglass
After watching the pros school the run-up by riding up it, we will have to re-examine this element. The classic Belgian cross model of sand is deep, wide and long. And these sands of time(loss) seem to be an element unique to our course in the NYCross series. So how bad can it get? Imagine a veritable Sarlacc with caution tape on either side and without the smell of one thousand expressed anal glands of the undead.
Artist's Course Concept Rendering
Bob and Keith narrowly avoid digestion over one thousand years.
A quick note: a discussion of this scene from Jedi is perhaps the only thing I remember from a freshman college course. Really, I can't even remember which course. During the lecture, the professor informed us that we were not really seeing a protagonist-eating outer-space sand monster but instead Lucas' invocation of the trans-cultural symbol of a humongous vagina dentata. And Jabba was the counterpointed phallic symbol. Surprised that I still remember that one? I think I might have spilled my beer as well when that bomb dropped. Thanks for sharing, enjoy next time SyFy runs the trilogy.


Anyhoo, fanged naughty bits aside, we're thinking more sand. Because, where there's sand, there's suffering. And where there's suffering, there's cowbells. And I got a fever and the only prescription is...


Design Element the next
Since Dairy Queen, Kenner, Cinnabon, Lucasfilms, Robert Smithson, the Senator from Minnesota nor any representative from the extensive Phylum Mollusca refuses to make a donation to SpaCx despite key product placement with the spiral, I'm considering other options. (Don't tell Andrew, he loves the spiral, it'll be our secret.) I'm proposing a new element; It's a Bitch. (You'll have to go to your local creepy vintage vinyl shop for this one.) Does anyone know where they sell bulk treacle?


Sign up now and pre-order a t-shirt, as we're only ordering a limited run, and experience it all! Oh yeah, we might try to throw in some big, open, grassy driving sections too.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Spa:Cx - The Season Begins



Back by popular demand. 
I know, like, seriously? Yeah, people actually asked for more...

Monday, September 5, 2011

Racin' after Fashion

When it[defeat] comes, I won’t even notice it...I’ll be too busy looking good.
–Jim Kelly, Enter the Dragon

Today we explore the fashion of racing cyclocross. Specifically, its most quintessential garment, the skinsuit. What, when, why after often asked, but as Fernando affirms, looking good is better than feeling good, and since we all know how we will feel during the race, let go of the inquiries and let's just get on to looking marvelous.
Proper technical racing apparel is important. Just ask Samantha.
Example: Cipo has often been too good at racing after fashion. Although, if he had the choice, he expressed a preference to work not wearing any clothes. It's our conclusion that he tried to capture some of this porn-star spirit, and then some, in this example of the clothes that he was required to wear in his, then present, line of work.
Cipo's Sans-Skin Suit
But let's face it: Racing en croute, donning that stretchy phyllo coverall, is the only choice in haute couture cross dressing. No pockets to get caught on the run up, no baggie jersey to droop in when plastered in wet mud. Would that make me gooey Brie or Salmon? Or Wellington? Mmmm, triple cream.
Continual debate rages on the shoulds and should nots on physical proportions when it comes to donning the lycra onesie. Hey, the fabric is designed to expand and contract just like the natural casings at the sausage machine. And we like sausage. Besides, I have never had to bear witness to a muffin top with a skinsuit. And nothing will make you feel more like a superhero.
At least he's wearing bib shorts...
Next, is there an age limit on superhero-wear? When do we transform from youthful, athletic racer to creepy old guy with his junk on display? Is this just for boy-toys? Hey, I'm not only talking to the twig and berries crowd out there, I have researched articles in a magazine named 'Cosmopolitan' that may suggest that females have a certain awareness of their perceived body type. One word- DEAL. It's like freshman spring over again and we're all puttin' it out there. Ditch the sweater wrap around the waist and shake that money maker. (Insert inappropriate 90's rap song here, check baby, check baby, one two three) Bottom line: go the skinsuit route and have no shame.  Wear it loud and wear it proud, don't go skulking up to the line, don't wear a full track warm-up suit until the whistle blows.  ROCK IT. If it means the need too add piercings and ink, awesome. If it means glitter nails and hair extensions, do it.

Was Tim too self-conscious by taking a Sharpie to his kit? Discuss.
After all, is it really that much more revealing than lycra shorts and jersey? Did you think that you were hiding something behind that 'club fit'? Remember everyone watching is more focused on beer consumption and yelling. Just like freshman spring break! Holy crap, the season is upon us!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Heat of the Overturning Moment (Slight Return)

Premise:
The Moment of a force is a measure of its tendency to cause a body to rotate about a specific point or axis.

The overturning moment of an object is the moment of energy capable of upsetting the object; that is, the point where it has been subjected to enough disturbance that it ceases to be stable, it overturns, capsizes, collapses, topples or otherwise incurs an unwanted change in its circumstances, possibly resulting in damage and certainly resulting in inconvenience 

Corollary:
Newton's First law (Let's get physical): The velocity of a body remains constant unless the body is acted upon by an external force.

Condtions:

Time- 5:45pm, warm-up lap.
Angle of repose- 0 (level).
Composition of surface- similar to NYSDOT approved subbase
Visibilty- Unlimited.
Speed- 10mph.
Topic of Discussion- Cross tires.

Report:

JRA, you've heard the term, laughed at the stories. "I was just riding along when all the lugs fell off the frame. I'd like a new bike." I still don't believe these folks, but now I do believe the potential for their stories to be true. Why, because of what happened to me. And I have a reliable eyewitness.

One moment chit-chatting about the coolest cross rubber, next a sound, followed by a strange feeling of weightlessness, ending in the too familiar feeling of hitting the ground, grinding body parts into the gravel. WTF?!? Thank goodness my teammate is a pro-level rider, expert at avoiding stupid people pile-ups. But wait? Why did I go down?

After a check of my position, I was nowhere near the brakes.
After a check of the bike, torn hood but everything else spun like butter. No problems.
After a check of the riding surface, nothing. No sticks, pothole, stones, small woodland creatures.
After an interview with the witness, she was unsure why I had decided to practice nose wheelies and could not find any evidence that would have caused the incident.
After all of this, I went home.

Conclusion:
After much forensic analysis, computer modeling, the only rational explanation of the event is Voodoo. I have asked several people if they happen to have a 'JohnO' Voodoo doll? And perhaps, accidentally left it out on the kitchen counter only to have their cat get frisky with it?

After all the denials, I went back to the site, expecting to find  a small satchel containing my hair (where they got that I'll never know), a chicken foot, and some eye of newt. Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble...

Now, I am creating some talisman of good Juju to take with me. Any symbolic suggestions to place on my frame would be appreciated.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Postcards from the Edge of Traction

The following documents experiences from the Cycle-Smart cyclocross clinic in Massachusetts.


Day 1, Morning Session
Dear Mum,
I have arrived at the Cycle-Smart clinic. As the clinic is relatively short, I do not believe that a care package will be necessary, nor sending an extra set of pajamas. We did skills training this morning, revealing my technique of the past three years is dangerous at best. This photograph best illustrates my mastery of blowing a holeshot lead; narrowly avoiding dental work. As it is my understanding that my insurance does not cover cycling induced extractions, nor any associated reconstructive procedures, I am proceeding to alter my technique per Adam Myerson's suggestion.
Son


Day 1, Afternoon Session
Dear Mum,
Adam is not as mean as his pictures. Since we were doing cornering in the afternoon with a strong emphasis on my chocolate-side turns (I like vanilla), I felt confident he would be yelling at me until I cried. Or entangled myself in barbed wire. Neither happened, nor did I slip and call him Otto.
Son

Day 1, Evening Lecture
Dear Mum,
Although one can collect much data on physical performance, tonight we learned that there is no device to measure Normalized Power for your life. I think it would be useful information, charting it against my heart rate, EEG and time sheet from work.
Son


Day 2, Morning Session
Dear Mum,
You will be pleased to know that Adam did not have to sacrifice one of the juniors to the rain gods to create muddy, sketchy conditions for practice. The gods took it upon themselves to provide, but it was nice to know the clinic had a backup plan. We also had bunny-hop demonstration from Grand Master Matt, so I may need to carry a special rider on that insurance I mentioned yesterday.
Son


Day 2, Afternoon Session
Dear Mum,
Just completed two hot laps, (before you say it- you're thinking of a lap dance) and nearly had a Julie Moss experience at the top of the first lap but held off. It would appear that there are two common traits in elite riders: ink and piercing. To the best of my hypoxic recollection, everyone who came around me, like rats out of aqueduct, had both. Even though Al's art may not be as overt as others, I remain convinced it's there. And, I cannot possibly ask him where his piercing may reside. Intend on swinging through NoHo on the way home to rectify the issue.
Son

Thank you to all the instructors at Cycle-Smart for an enjoyable weekend. Please note that if you, the reader, will be racing Masters 45+  at anytime in the next 5-10 years, the clinic was awful, not applicable and pretty much a huge waste of time.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Spa:Cx T-Shirts


We know that Tosh.0 has had his summer of Deep-V's.
We here at Spa:Cx are declaring 2011 the fall of Cross Dressing.
Pre-Order shirts at a discount on BikeReg, or take your chances and buy them at our event!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Loathing Gears in Spa City


Benjamin Disareli, Mondegreen, and the Need for Speeds
Point of fact: Everyone knows that Eric, Ginger and Co. were trying to talk about Tullio's invention and not The 1st Earl of Beaconsfield. Right? History re-rewritten. Now let's back to the problem.


The proliferation of gear selection over the past couple decades has been obscene, cassettes from 5,6,7,8,9 to 10, culminating in the Spinal Tap clich̩ РEleven. Seriously? Currently, there are more cogs on a Campagnolo cassette than total gear combinations on my metallic, kelly green Schwinn Varsity; thanks Nigel. In theory, one could have anywhere from one to thirty-three speeds on a rig.

Joker, Joker and The triple? Okay, I won't fault someone for giving CX a shot on a mountain or touring bike, which might happen to have a triple but the focus today is ideal race machines. In a clash of cross culture, we find riders subscribing to three approaches to getting in touch with their higher-power.

Miss Wasilla 1984
L'Etate Rouge: 2x10
“You can pry my STI shifters out of my cold, dead hands” On the far right, the setup that came with the bike. Kinda like a closet full of shoes, it gives you the promise of choices, yet you still never have the right ones. A setup for the sheeple that I am told represents the nations thinking, although they forgot to ask me. More gears-more problems, get a raging clue, or maybe not. Wait, shouldn't these guys be voting policy reducing the amount of gearing?



Oh, New England: 1x10
Yankee pragmatism, stripped down. Removing the front derailleur and extra ring is like taking out the car door windows and welding in a roll cage. Install your bestus-chain-stayey-oney devices, bashguard, dogfang, sharktooth and a brake lever from the days of downtube shifters, and hold on. Super fast and Nomex suit is not required.

Thunderdome at SSCXWC
Portlandia: 1x1
Minimalist, for the same people who have bomb shelters and provisions for post-apocalyptic times. Or $225 Rapha bike jeans. Once a refuge for hipsters suspected of drinking the bong water, now SS has been recognized by USA Cycling with a SSCX National Championship. Take that Rhythm Gymnastics, got ink?

Sermon on your mount:
Thou shall have at least one gear.
Thou shall use one gear at one time.
Thou shall require one gear to finish the race.

My fantasy Run-What-You-Brung 2011 


Is this dogma to espouse the single-speed ascetics? Not at all, it is merely a gentle reminder of what you really need and what the decision process might be when contemplating the gearing selection on your bike.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Do not save the date

Sunday, October 23rd 2011

Many events or organizations might send a reminder to 'save the date.'

Not us at SpaCx. We feel that 'saving the date' is like finding that nasty, sticky dime under the washer at the local laundromat and dropping it in a glass coin jar in the hope that one day the findings will add up to a Speedvagen. No.

We are commanding anyone who likes bicycles and/or their country to patiently, lovingly, stalk the date, and to sneak up behind the unsuspecting point in our celestial orbit in a quiet parking lot. Take it down with Chloroform and duct tape, throw it in the back of your custom van, then hold the date a deep pit in your basement and demand some serious ransom. Like a Speedvagen.


Or, in less creepy words, there shall be no indication of 'tentative' on your Outlook calendar for this event. Be there at any cost.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Spa:CX goes Hollywood


On Friday June 24th, the Saratoga Film Forum will be presenting The Cyclocross Meeting. Spa:Cx is a featured partner and will be participating in a discussion of the film and cylcocross after the film. Prior to the showing, we will have a table will information and flier for this year's event.